It Just Keeps Getting Better!

I can't believe how great this season has been, and it's only three episodes in! George and I were literally holding our breaths while watching the Exile. "I don't even mind losing Jeff if Evelyn wins." That's the level we were at, George cared less about her team than Weselyn's alliance. And I found myself cheering for everyone not on my team.

For example, how amazing was Jenn's tirade? Mandi couldn't do anything to defend herself as Jenn dusted off a hall of fame verbal spew. "You fucking chicken headed, horse headed bitch, you fucking Tori Spelling reject!" And then her incredible horse sounds afterward, "Brrfft, pffffttt." I really thought she punched Mandi and was going to get sent home but I guess it was just a shove. As the Dailies clip reveals, Jenn wanted to punch Mandi but she needs the money so didn't unleash the fist. Jenn's definitely got her mind on her money, what a level headed competitor! I love how Noor was afraid he was about to get attacked if he tried to calm her down. Jenn, I think I love you. Also, don't miss the end of the clip when Kenny offers to make Jenn a sandwich to calm her down. That's going to be my new calm down solution from now on.

"Jon, you asshole, you totally d-cked me over!"
"Honey, chill out. C'mon, lemme make you a sandwich."
"Okay."

And let this be said: Luke is the dumbest contestant ever. I mean, why are you telling everyone you've got serious cramps? There's a chance Eve told him to do it as a strategic move but I doubt it since Wes gets upset in this Dailies clip, berating Eve for having the dumbest partner ever. And how come everyone knows Luke is a pothead? I get it now that I see all his rasta colors and stuff but during Meet the Meat I thought he was just kinda normal. Admittedly I don't have a lot of experience with telling who's high or not but apparently Luke is the epitome of a cannabis connoisseur? I'm hip to his druggy ways now though. Rasta colored water bottle equals pot head.

Evelyn debriefs the crew and reveals that she doesn't think her and Luke are beatable in the Exile. "The girl has a lot to do with it." I am so excited for an Eve versus Laurel faceoff somewhere in the season. It has to happen right?

Let's also talk about how it's been the women who have carried the Exiles. Aside from Cara Maria, Laurel, Jillian, Sarah, Eve, and Paula have all represented for their gender. In this episode, Eve mistakenly took Luke's pack but didn't want to lose any more time. "If I'm the best girl I better prove it right?" I love you too Eve!

And what about Paula? What a strong Exile performance. She had to verbally whip Jeff along the trail, and probably could have won if he was halfway good. And now we know why Jeff had no chance to become a SEAL. The SEALs take men, not boys. One of the best quotes from this quote heavy episode was Paula urging Jeff on by saying that she played the tuba, wore headgear, and has fake breasts, and was still busting his ass. Sure the guys have to carry more weight but they are heavier so the ratio should be about the same. In each Exile the girl definitely has pulled her own weight -- if not more. Bill Simmons and Dave Jacoby comment on how Laurel is the "greatest athlete from our country since Michael Phelps" and so far it's hard to disagree. I think a movie studio should cast her as Wonder Woman. I'd pay to watch that movie twice.

This is the season of the females kicking ass and nothing would make me happier than to see Wes and Kenny BOTH gone and have Evelyn and Jenn win the whole damn thing. It's revealed in the aftershow that Eve was calling the strategic shots while Wes did the recruiting and politicking. What a loss it was to lose Eve from the Ruins last season. What did Kelly Anne give us? Nice abs, crazy eyes, and a fake rack? Evelyn would have challenged for Ruins dominance if she had stayed. I know, this season is making me go against team alliances, I'm just cheering for individuals at this point. Team Eve!

Ok, wait. Gotta get my head back in gear, I don't even know who's on my team anymore, I'm so behind Team Jenn the Mole and Team Eve the Mastermind. Cheer with the mind, not the heart...

With so much going on, I barely have the space to discuss Kenny totally mind fucking Wes with his Theresa revelation. Wes and Theresa hook up and then Kenny lowers the boom. Mandi tries to bring them together because she says that "Theresa doesn't just want this to be a showmance." Watching these veterans rally behind Wes' heart break is kind of endearing. Apparently Wes has had his heart broken twice by showmances, and he's afraid of another. Aw, poor guy! And then Theresa says that she's not looking for love from "anyone in this show." Um hello, didn't you just declare your love for Kenny and Wes like three weeks ago? Or I guess she just wanted to sleep with them, which isn't the same as a relationship.

This season is so good!