A Pod to Go

This has been a banner season for the BS Report and Challenge podcasts. Bill and Dave have really dedicated themselves to talking about the show and brought on special guests like TJ Lavin and The Miz. And let's not forget that Derrick K. has been doing his own podcast series, and he brings on Challenge friends like Kenny and Laurel to make additional commentary. His latest one is with Johnny Bananas and I'm listening to it as I type!

And let's not forget to watch the reunion show and S#!% They Should've Shown, which were both really great this year. In fact, there were so many revealed hookups in the S#!% They Should've Shown that I wish we could maybe score those!

The B.S. Report: 12/22
(direct mp3 link)
Simmons and reality TV czar Dave Jacoby recap the season finales of "Survivor" and "The Challenge: Cutthroat" and look back on the year in reality TV. (Cutthroat talk starts at 10:04 minute mark)

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Week 10 Scores

The last episode was a doozy and a bonanza of bonus points right? Beforehand we had decided to give +3 and +5 to the third and second place winners, because the rules we had previously didn't account for three teams. Turned out, we didn't need to do that as Gray and Blue basically came in second place together so we decided to give members of those teams +5 points. Just for posterity's sake, here's a listing of all the bonus points accrued this episode:

Hooking up: Brad/Tori
Going to hospital: Abe, Sarah
Throwing up: Abe, Sarah, Emily
Crying: Jenn, Tyler, Sarah, Laurel

Next year we'll have to adjust some rules, as we have suggestions for bonus points for blurcle-ing (the fuzzy thing MTV will do to private parts), whoever reads the Challenge text message, and maybe dialing down the competition points and up the drama points!

Of course, if you look at the scores below, Team Buck Nekkid romped the rest of the field as four of their five players survived to the end, and their "all gray and a dash of red" team strategy took the crown quite easily. Despite starting off slow, Yasmine's team really started to annihilate the competition near the end and she proves that it's more important how you finish than how you begin. So congrats to Yasmine!

Interestingly, the Yang twins tied at 75 points apiece, but I'm going to say I'm in second place because I'm two minutes older.

Yasmine - Buck Nekkid +31 (102):
Remaining Players:

Abram +8 (24)


Sarah +9 (24)


Luke +5 (21)


Tyler +9 (23)

Eliminated Players:

Dan (10)

Jon - Tanooki Suit +15 (75):
Remaining Players:

Cara Maria +6 (24)


Brad +9 (20)

Eliminated Players:

Camila (18)


Ty (7)


Shauvon (6)

Georgette - Hot Bitch +15 (75):
Remaining Players:

Jenn +7 (18)


Dunbar +8 (21)

Eliminated Players:

Derrick +0 (14)


Brandon (14)


Melinda (8)


Kimberly - I Will Shout You Down +8 (65):
Remaining Players:

Emily +8 (23)

Eliminated Players:

Paula +0 (13)


Johnny (13)


Katie (12)


JD (3)

Victor - Flesh Machine +16 (57):
Remaining Players:

Laurel +7 (24)


Tori +9 (24)

Eliminated Players:

Vinny (5)


Mandi (3)


Emilee (1)

Dan - The Mystery People: +0 (36)
Eliminated Players:

Theresa (13)


Eric (8)


Ayiia (5)


Chet (9)


Derek (1)

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Finale Episode Report Cards

GRAY TEAM
Laurel
Who else has broken down so much emotionally yet still soldiered on? Watching Laurel get all blubbery while carrying the stretcher was just insane! And then when she mentally broke down again over the puzzle, like wow. Five seconds after she goes through these things though, she's like yelling and back into action. I feel like she's one of those Takashi Miike heroes, a Ichi the Killer type, who has the maturity of a young kid but the physical prowess of a trained assassin.

She did prove once again that she's a very strong competitor, and that she really is all about the cash, as she turned on her friend Sarah during the final run. Her antics on the reunion show were horrific though, and clearly she's been Kenny-trained for drama. She strikes me like a WWF actor who's being all gung ho just to secure her invite back. But hey, it's gonna work! Her sobbing and tearful, "Fuck you!" to the Red team as Gray finally made it up the hill was so awesome. Grade: A-minus

Abram
Part of what made this episode so shocking was the absolute collapse of Abe. W-o-w! I don't know what happened, the dehydration, the altitude, or whatever, but he completely ruined Gray's chances for victory, and then said (paraphrased) "I'm so glad it happened because my team came together and carried me. I loved it!" Abe is a crazy man, and now he's must bring back competitor. Too bad he puked and had to go to the hospital. Great drama, horrible grade. His bear suit and fuzzy stuff during the reunion show was great/ridiculous. Clearly CM dressed him. They're such a great couple. Grade: F

Sarah
Well how about that Ms. Sarah? Crying and emotionally falling apart even before the last challenge. What did she think this was going to be? A sprint? She's done two of these things before, why is she all distraught that the final would involve a super long run? What has Sarah actually done this challenge besides become BFFs with Laurel and disparage people? Is she actually that great of a competitor? It's a tough call to make, especially after this showing. Way to go to the hospital Sarah, way to go. Grade: D

Luke
Remember last season when Luke was so annoying and Evelyn wanted to toss him out so many times? Well clearly she was wrong about him as Luke has proven to be an awesome competitor with a great attitude. Look at how ripped he was this season, and he survived a Gulag (admittedly a lame one), and helped power Gray to quite a few challenge victories. And then he outperformed Abe in the final and showed that he's not just a pot head, but quite the Challenge competitor as well. We love Luke! Grade: A

Cara Maria
Okay okay, I'm going to be totally biased here, but we all know Cara Maria did simply amazing. She ran the entire finals, she figured out the puzzle (clearly Luke isn't smart enough to remember all that, and Laurel was useless), and while she was carried on the stretcher, she was the littlest one. I think Cara Maria has proven herself, physically and emotionally, and all the trials and tribulations her mean girl teammates put her through actually made her a much better competitor. She didn't break down at any point during the last challenge and was just outstanding throughout -- proving all her haters wrong. Laurel really should have acknowledged how well CM did during the reunion, but Laurel's a bitch and wouldn't do that anyway. What will CM do with her money? It's going to "her horse, her college, and no fake titties." I can't wait to see CM and Abram back for the next Challenge! Grade: A+

BLUE TEAM
Jenn
I want Jenn to be on my team in every competition. She's the best cheerleader as she makes all sorts of weird whooping noises to encourage you, and she's like gruff and super hot. Jenn, come back and do another Challenge please! As a competitor I don't think she's that amazing, but she's got just enough to make you a little bit afraid. I really enjoyed Jenn this episode, and not just because she was running around in a sports bra all the time. She's quite a team asset, and good at keeping morale up, and I feel like being her partner would be super fun. Grade: B

Emily
A rookie making it all the way to the end! Her Gulag versus Paula was so one sided that I was starting to wonder if Emily was actually this good, or if Paula just sucked. I think Emily has the makings of a Challenge monster, as she's tall, strong, and socially adept. Apparently everyone in the house wants to make out with her also, which I guess I finally get. She's like a sweetheart and seems super fun, and I think her rookie debut was as good as it gets. She did seem a bit gassed during some of the final challenge, but then somehow she was the one carrying the stretcher while Jenn just hollered out some encouragements. Grade: A-minus


RED TEAM
Tori
I have so much distaste for Tori I don't even want to write about her. Ugh, so annoying. She didn't do anything this Challenge except antagnize people in the house and people watching her on TV. Good riddance. Way to hang out and get that money Tori. Grade: C

Tyler
My goodness, is this a breakthrough? How good was Tyler this season? He fought off CT for FORTY MINUTES when Johnny Bananas lost in nineteen seconds. And then Tyler smoked Derrick in the final Gulag. I love that Tyler proved that the gay guys on this show can athletically compete, I love that he's going to use this money to pay off his Ivy League college loans, and I love that he majored in Russian and then used that knowledge to help solve the puzzle via correct pronoun. Plus, he works with the Boston Celtics as a Wellness Consultant & Personal Trainer! Oh Tyler, you did officially become a bad ass! Grade: A+

Dunbar
Boring. I'm glad he won so he can get off my television screen. I believe this is Dunbar's first win, and like he said, it's the best day of his life. Good, now get out. He did have some funny lines during the finals though, as he pulled off an one-liner or two after coming out of the tar and feathering, and congratulating Tyler on solving the puzzle. It's easy to forget that Dunbar is a physically huge guy, but he's really pretty useless. Get rid of him already. Dummybear, can you please retire too? Grade: B

Brad
Finally, my boy Brad gets a much deserved victory -- even if he was a bit shady the whole season -- and emerges with a very unlikely win. I've had Brad two successive years of this game, and I am just so happy that he won the money. As he says, this is it for him, and he needed this money to start a new life with Tori. The two of them want to make little bug eyed babies and this however many thousands will really help'em out. While it's hard to say what Brad did to help his team win, the fact that he did (mostly) pilot his team to victory must still be acknowledged. Finally, Brad is a champion! Grade: A

HOST
TJ Lavin
From his lightning tiger t-shirt to his encouraging bike ride bys, TJ was really involved in this final episode. I'm curious if he'll be back to hosting health by the time the next Challenge comes around, but he's clearly taken a much more active role this season. And that lightning tiger t-shirt! Should that be the prize this year? Grade: B+

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Before the Finale

As we head into the last episode, I wanted to take a chance and see how our drafts stacked up and which players impressed and which ones depressed. Our season rosters are here, and the draft recap is here. Teams will be presented in reverse order of standings -- which is almost exactly the reverse order of our draft, except for Yasmine's team. Weird right?

Team Missing (36)
Well, we might have doubted Dan's choice of Theresa as the number one overall but choice but he was right about one thing: Theresa would be the leader of his team. She started things off right with a tantrum, ended it with some crying, and was only eliminated during the very last Gulag. Unfortunately, Dan's next best player was Chet, the secret lothario who might have made some impact had he not been medically eliminated. He and Eric weren't too bad overall -- Eric even won a Gulag -- but Derek Chavez and Ayiiia were pretty useless, and by WK5, three of Dan's players were already off the board. During the last pre-finals episode, Dan's entire team was eliminated, the only team to suffer that fate this season. Hey, it's his rookie season and things can only get better right?

Team Flesh Machine (41)
Victor certainly had his picks lined up perfectly. Each descending round produced a player that scored lower than the person above them. The problem was, after Laurel and Tori, there was a huge drop off to Vinny, Mandi, and Emilee. In fact, the latter three combined for eights points the entire season, which was about half of what Laurel and Tori each put up. Victor's team was three-fifths gone by WK5, but they continued to fight hard and both of his first round picks won Gulags are headed toward some finals points. It may be time to re-evaluate his "draft the good looking girls" strategy, even if it's proven to work well for him in the past. Laurel stirred up enough competitive juice to thrust herself into the third highest individual score, even if she started off awfully slow, before finally hitting her She-Hulk stride.

Team I Will Shout You Down (57)
No longer a rookie, Kim came back this season with a vengeance. Her team was solid all the way across the board, except for J.D., who was kind of worthless and was eliminated by WK3. The remaining four players all scored at least a dozen points though, and feisty Katie survived two hard fought Gulags before finally being eliminated. Paula and Emily are still around for the finals, even if spiritual leader Johnny Bananas was taken out in epic fashion during the last Gulag. Kim's team had an oustanding WK3, where they racked up fourteen points in just one episode! There was only one other week where a team scored more than double digits, and that was just eleven. Also of note, if someone had thrown up, Kim's team would have gotten a super hat trick, scoring in every category possible. Not bad for a sophomore effort.

Team Hot Bitch (60)
We dubbed this squad "team boring" and looking over her roster, there really wasn't much excitement for George except from Brandon, who was sent into the Gulag four times, winning three of them in fantastic fashion before being tossed by his Hot Bitch teammate, Derrick. George expected big things from Jenn as her first round pick, but Jenn managed to slip through the season not picking up any extracurricular points, and avoiding the Gulag altogether. I almost want to give Jenn a crazy point just for being so under the radar. Out of the first six picks, Jenn's eleven points is the lowest of the first round picks. I guess a team of veterans like Jenn, Derrick, Melinda, and Dunbar was just kind of ho hum?

Team Tanooki Suit (60)
Leading for much of the season, Jon's team started out on fire as Cara Maria and Camila racked up bonus points left and right. Cara Maria did the hooking up, Camila did the shouting and crying, and they both defended themselves in the Gulag -- three awful times for new girl Camila. They tied with eighteen points apiece for the individual points lead this season, and Cara Maria is guaranteed to become the top scorer overall. Not bad for a girl who tweet teased that she was going to be eliminated in episode two. Team Tanooki's lead dwindled though, as Ty and Shauvon took early exits and Brad was just about as vanilla as Jenn. Actaully, he was exactly as vanilla as Jenn, not racking up any bonus points. Yawn.

Team Buck Nekkid (71)
Maybe we mocked Yasmine's "all gray" strategy as the band of misfits started off slow but starting the middle of the season, Team Gray went on a run and Yasmine took a strong lead into the final week. Abram and Luke proved that small is big, as they tied for the fourth and fifth best individual performances. Yasmine didn't lose a single player until WK7 (Dan), and each of her five people finished in double digits. Interestingly, her top two players avoided the Gulag altogether. Even the lone non-Gray team member, Tyler, has proven his worth by using his fat ass to hold CT down long enough to eliminate Johnny. With four players still fighting in the last episode, Yasmine could catapult herself into an easy Cutthroat championship. Someone stop her!

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Week 9 Scores

Dan - The Mystery People: +1 (36)
Eliminated Players:

Theresa +1 (13)


Eric (8)


Ayiia (5)


Chet (9)


Derek (1)

Victor - Flesh Machine +5 (41):
Remaining Players:

Laurel +2 (17)


Tori +3 (15)

Eliminated Players:

Vinny (5)


Mandi (3)


Emilee (1)

Kimberly - I Will Shout You Down +4 (57):
Remaining Players:

Paula +2 (13)


Emily +2 (15)

Eliminated Players:

Johnny (13)


Katie (12)


JD (3)

Yasmine - Buck Nekkid +9 (71):
Remaining Players:

Abram +2 (16)


Sarah +2 (15)


Luke +2 (16)


Tyler +3 (14)

Eliminated Players:

Dan (10)

Georgette - Hot Bitch +4 (60):
Remaining Players:

Jenn +1 (11)


Derrick +2 (14)


Dunbar +1 (13)

Eliminated Players:

Brandon (14)


Melinda (8)

Jon - Tanooki Suit +3 (60):
Remaining Players:

Cara Maria +2 (18)


Brad +1 (11)

Eliminated Players:

Camila (18)


Ty (7)


Shauvon (6)

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