Finale Episode Report Cards

GRAY TEAM
Laurel
Who else has broken down so much emotionally yet still soldiered on? Watching Laurel get all blubbery while carrying the stretcher was just insane! And then when she mentally broke down again over the puzzle, like wow. Five seconds after she goes through these things though, she's like yelling and back into action. I feel like she's one of those Takashi Miike heroes, a Ichi the Killer type, who has the maturity of a young kid but the physical prowess of a trained assassin.

She did prove once again that she's a very strong competitor, and that she really is all about the cash, as she turned on her friend Sarah during the final run. Her antics on the reunion show were horrific though, and clearly she's been Kenny-trained for drama. She strikes me like a WWF actor who's being all gung ho just to secure her invite back. But hey, it's gonna work! Her sobbing and tearful, "Fuck you!" to the Red team as Gray finally made it up the hill was so awesome. Grade: A-minus

Abram
Part of what made this episode so shocking was the absolute collapse of Abe. W-o-w! I don't know what happened, the dehydration, the altitude, or whatever, but he completely ruined Gray's chances for victory, and then said (paraphrased) "I'm so glad it happened because my team came together and carried me. I loved it!" Abe is a crazy man, and now he's must bring back competitor. Too bad he puked and had to go to the hospital. Great drama, horrible grade. His bear suit and fuzzy stuff during the reunion show was great/ridiculous. Clearly CM dressed him. They're such a great couple. Grade: F

Sarah
Well how about that Ms. Sarah? Crying and emotionally falling apart even before the last challenge. What did she think this was going to be? A sprint? She's done two of these things before, why is she all distraught that the final would involve a super long run? What has Sarah actually done this challenge besides become BFFs with Laurel and disparage people? Is she actually that great of a competitor? It's a tough call to make, especially after this showing. Way to go to the hospital Sarah, way to go. Grade: D

Luke
Remember last season when Luke was so annoying and Evelyn wanted to toss him out so many times? Well clearly she was wrong about him as Luke has proven to be an awesome competitor with a great attitude. Look at how ripped he was this season, and he survived a Gulag (admittedly a lame one), and helped power Gray to quite a few challenge victories. And then he outperformed Abe in the final and showed that he's not just a pot head, but quite the Challenge competitor as well. We love Luke! Grade: A

Cara Maria
Okay okay, I'm going to be totally biased here, but we all know Cara Maria did simply amazing. She ran the entire finals, she figured out the puzzle (clearly Luke isn't smart enough to remember all that, and Laurel was useless), and while she was carried on the stretcher, she was the littlest one. I think Cara Maria has proven herself, physically and emotionally, and all the trials and tribulations her mean girl teammates put her through actually made her a much better competitor. She didn't break down at any point during the last challenge and was just outstanding throughout -- proving all her haters wrong. Laurel really should have acknowledged how well CM did during the reunion, but Laurel's a bitch and wouldn't do that anyway. What will CM do with her money? It's going to "her horse, her college, and no fake titties." I can't wait to see CM and Abram back for the next Challenge! Grade: A+

BLUE TEAM
Jenn
I want Jenn to be on my team in every competition. She's the best cheerleader as she makes all sorts of weird whooping noises to encourage you, and she's like gruff and super hot. Jenn, come back and do another Challenge please! As a competitor I don't think she's that amazing, but she's got just enough to make you a little bit afraid. I really enjoyed Jenn this episode, and not just because she was running around in a sports bra all the time. She's quite a team asset, and good at keeping morale up, and I feel like being her partner would be super fun. Grade: B

Emily
A rookie making it all the way to the end! Her Gulag versus Paula was so one sided that I was starting to wonder if Emily was actually this good, or if Paula just sucked. I think Emily has the makings of a Challenge monster, as she's tall, strong, and socially adept. Apparently everyone in the house wants to make out with her also, which I guess I finally get. She's like a sweetheart and seems super fun, and I think her rookie debut was as good as it gets. She did seem a bit gassed during some of the final challenge, but then somehow she was the one carrying the stretcher while Jenn just hollered out some encouragements. Grade: A-minus


RED TEAM
Tori
I have so much distaste for Tori I don't even want to write about her. Ugh, so annoying. She didn't do anything this Challenge except antagnize people in the house and people watching her on TV. Good riddance. Way to hang out and get that money Tori. Grade: C

Tyler
My goodness, is this a breakthrough? How good was Tyler this season? He fought off CT for FORTY MINUTES when Johnny Bananas lost in nineteen seconds. And then Tyler smoked Derrick in the final Gulag. I love that Tyler proved that the gay guys on this show can athletically compete, I love that he's going to use this money to pay off his Ivy League college loans, and I love that he majored in Russian and then used that knowledge to help solve the puzzle via correct pronoun. Plus, he works with the Boston Celtics as a Wellness Consultant & Personal Trainer! Oh Tyler, you did officially become a bad ass! Grade: A+

Dunbar
Boring. I'm glad he won so he can get off my television screen. I believe this is Dunbar's first win, and like he said, it's the best day of his life. Good, now get out. He did have some funny lines during the finals though, as he pulled off an one-liner or two after coming out of the tar and feathering, and congratulating Tyler on solving the puzzle. It's easy to forget that Dunbar is a physically huge guy, but he's really pretty useless. Get rid of him already. Dummybear, can you please retire too? Grade: B

Brad
Finally, my boy Brad gets a much deserved victory -- even if he was a bit shady the whole season -- and emerges with a very unlikely win. I've had Brad two successive years of this game, and I am just so happy that he won the money. As he says, this is it for him, and he needed this money to start a new life with Tori. The two of them want to make little bug eyed babies and this however many thousands will really help'em out. While it's hard to say what Brad did to help his team win, the fact that he did (mostly) pilot his team to victory must still be acknowledged. Finally, Brad is a champion! Grade: A

HOST
TJ Lavin
From his lightning tiger t-shirt to his encouraging bike ride bys, TJ was really involved in this final episode. I'm curious if he'll be back to hosting health by the time the next Challenge comes around, but he's clearly taken a much more active role this season. And that lightning tiger t-shirt! Should that be the prize this year? Grade: B+