Things Said About Laurel

House: This week, Laurel proved that she is to freestyle insulting what Black Thought of the Roots is to freestyle rhyming. She dominated three verbal fights this week (15 points) with onslaughts like this one:

“Shut the bleep up. Shut the bleep up. Paula, get the bleep out of here. You’re a 39-year-old still on reality TV and still haven’t won anything. Shut the bleep up, you stupid reject of a life. What else do you have to say? You have fake boobs, you’re an anorexic, you can’t get a bleeping husband, you don’t have kids, and you’re ugly. Shut the bleep up.”

Paula shut the bleep up and was quickly reduced to a sobbing mass of insecurity and self-hatred. 25 more points for Laurel.

Jacoby: Wes was the second guy this week to throw a drink on a woman, dousing Cara Maria with a two-liter bottle of cola and making her cry (25 points). He also tacked on a make-out (5 points) and fell victim to a Laurel freestyle-insult verse (5 verbal-fighting points) in which she called him “fire crotch” and declared, “I will kick your bleeping ass." Laurel from The Challenge is the greatest American poet since Walt Whitman.

Connor: Laurel completely debunks Newton’s third law of motion. There is not an equal and opposite reaction — there is a doubly menacing, terrifying, and demeaning opposite reaction that crushes souls and destroys lives. Sorry, Sir Isaac Newton. Laurel from The Challenge just called bullshit on you.

Jay: Last weeks' Challenge might have been my Reality TV Waterloo. After watching Laurel berate Paula, I walked to my kitchen and stared emptily into the freezer. For the first time in my life, I thought, "If I house this pint of ice cream, I might stop feeling so dead inside." Paula is one of my least favorite reality TV personalities ever (Lisa from Season 4 of Top Chef will always be no. 1, followed by Lauren Conrad, Matt from Real World New Orleans, Blake Lewis from American Idol, Danny Gokey, and every rapping child who has ever humiliated himself on America's Got Talent), but nobody should have to watch that. And I should stop identifying with Cathy from that awful comic strip.
-From last week's Grantland Reality TV Scoreboard