My Little Pony

I know this first episode had nearly nothing to do with my team, but I have to eulogize Darrell and Cara Maria. Halfway through the episode, as I realized that they were headed toward Exile, I desperately texted Yasmine and asked if they were going to be eliminated. I didn't want to be blind sided by such a great duo going down the tubes. Darrell, Challenge champion, paired up with Cara Maria, the number one draft pick. It was going to be great watching them take challenge after challenge right? Here's what Yasmine texted back: ":-x". C'mon!

So I had to sit there and suffer through their excruciating loss. I didn't realize how much I wanted to cheer for Cara Maria until she was suddenly out of my MTV life. While she turned out to be a weak competitor, it was fascinating to watch her total emotional collapse. I can't believe how shocked she was, and how quickly she completely lost it (her explanation: she's an only child and thus took it way personally). Shouldn't Darrell have warned her just a bit that they might be on the block? I was so sure they would still win and was absolutely crushed as they got confused by Sudoku and Tangrams. It really makes me wonder how smart these people are. I mean, fifteen minutes and you can't figure out how to make each column equal fifteen? Really? We desperately need an episode where the entire cast sits around playing Cranium. This would be riveting television right? Watching people spell backwards, answer trivia questions, try to figure out how to charades "Marcel Marceau."

Going back to Darrell and Cara Maria, Victor noted that CM used her feminine charms on Big D, but I think he was just being brotherly and protective. I saw no hint of anything romantic and then in the Aftershow it was revealed that Darrell just had a kid. Does that mean he's married, or has a baby mama somewhere super jealous that he was cuddling with his partner? This is the stuff I need to know but somehow can't find online.

The best part about Darrell's pep talk with Cara Maria pre-Exile was when he asked if she'd ever done any team sports. "No, I was never that girl. It was just me and my pony." Man I'm gonna miss them, especially after Darrell revealed that he actually had some personality in the Aftershow, jabbing back at Kenny, Wes, and Laurel. Plus, Darrell was so smart at figuring out who was really f-ing him over but then still dumb enough to be f-ed over. Basically I hate Kenny for tossing Darrell into the Exile. What a paranoid idiot. Wes is going to stab him in the face (possibly literally) and toss him overboard. And I couldn't be more excited to see it happen. I can't believe this is happening but I think I'm Team Wes this season.

Anyway, I can't wait for the next Challenge when Cara Maria returns and Darrell unretires, like all boxers do.

Quotes from this amazing episode I want to remember forever:

• Kenny after tucking Theresa into bed: "Mr. Beautiful comes to win, not to fraternize with slutty girls."
• Danny remarking to Kenny after Laurel is stone cold passed out: "You picked the next Katie."
• Wes with no hesitation after asking Sydney how she feels about long distances: "I'll take the blonde."
• CJ about his partner during the challenge: "Sydney's distinct voice is definitely helping me right now. It separates her from, you know, the average white girl who's screaming for her partner."